Distraction

While putting on my belt the other day, I had an epiphany: These things are unnatural! Belts, I mean.

Granted, all clothing is unnatural. But belts - belts are downright evil. They restrain our breathing, restrict our movements, put unnatural pressure on our organs and bodily gasses and fluids. Surely, that can’t be right. Surely, that is detrimental to our health, psyche, chi, genetic fitness.

No, I don’t have scientific proof of this. But should I wait for proof while the children of the world keep wearing these evil devices? And do you expect belt-wearing scientists, corrupt as they are, and on the payroll of the belt-industry, to tell you the truth?

Gaia disapproves of belts. Hear her cry of despair as you put on your belt. Don’t!

Let the world know that belts are evil! Let’s ban belts! Let’s boycott the beltmongers! Parents, do not impose your belt-culture on your children!

Just kidding.